Day 29

Thoughts on Home & The Creatives Who’ve Helped Me

Posted: 29 Oct 2012 10:48 AM PDT

I hope I never stop learning and changing how I think, especially when it comes to our home.  I wanted to share with you six women–creatives, who have really helped shape how I think about home.

Tsh Oxenreider @Simple Mom and her book Organized Simplicity has challenged me to evaluate what and why I have certain items in my home.

Ann Voskamp @A Holy Experience and her book One Thousand Gifts taught me the art of thankfulness, contentment and how to learn to live slow.

Jen Hatmaker and her book 7 reminds me to consider excess, stuff and being purposeful.

Emily Freeman (my baby sister) @Chatting at the Sky and her book Grace for the Good Girl (& really just her whole life) shows us that we don’t have to pretend to be perfect.

Sandy Coughlin @The Reluctant Entertainer and her book The Reluctant Entertainer encouraged me to use our home as a place of connection, right now.

Lisa Leonard : everything about her bleeds creativity.  From her jewelry here and here, to her instagram and even what she wears.  Lisa’s life dares me to take that risk and create.

I’m giving away all of these books signed by the author.

One winner will get all of these books and the necklace along with some special little gifts from my home.  I’m looking forward to packaging it up all cute and shipping it out to the winner, usually giveaways here are hosted by a third-party so I don’t get to put my hands on the actual prize.  But this one is straight from the nest and from these inspiring women and me to you.

Is there a book or movie or anything that has helped shape your thinking about home?  I’d love to read about it in the comments!  Your comment will count as your entry, even if you don’t have an answer to the question, just leave a comment to enter to win.

I commented on this post that these 31 Days has been the first time I really thought about what a want from and for my home.  Maybe I'll take a look at some of these books in the library.  And check out these other blogs.  We MAY be moving to Front Royal in Dec/Jan after all. Whether or not I'll get to do much on my own is yet to be seen.  But I have really appreciated the reflections this month.  And maybe sometime I'll go back and rewrite that awesome post about words I want to describe my house.  The post that was lost. :( 

Day 28

via Lindsey

No Ruby Slippers Required

Posted: 28 Oct 2012 06:24 PM PDT

On our way home from the Allume Conference, I was browsing around the #allume hashtag on instagram and saw this picture from Lindsey.  With this caption:

I thought of this photo the entire way home.  I think it’s so beautiful and homey with its Angry Bird pumpkin and still-blooming-in-the-fall-hydrangea and the nandina that’s about to turn, and the light on that you can see through the storm door and the crack in the sidewalk that adds nothing but pure character.  Such a perfectly inviting picture of home.
Lindsey’s attitude reminded me to check my own thoughts as I walk back into the stacks of books and bills and mismatched socks and what?…missing 31 Day posts?!  She reminded me to choose to see the welcoming parts of my home instead of the parts that sometimes wear me out.
Home.  There really is no place like it.

Bobby has been home for two days, due to the Hurricane.  We took out the mattress to relax on, and didn't clean up at all yesterday.  But we relaxed and had fun.  Grace loves the mattress to play on.  Yes, the house was a mess this morning, but really, it didn't take that long to clean, and at least its cozy.  No place like home.

Day 27

The Myth of the Next House

If an alien came to earth and watched how we use our homes what would they discover from watching us?
Because I’m pretty sure if an alien watched House Hunters on HGTV for a few hours they would deduct that everyone on earth must entertain often, it seems it’s all people on that show can talk about.  They go on and on about how they are going to entertain in their next house and how they love having people over and this next house is gonna help them do that.
I’ve realized something about myself and maybe you do it, too.  I seem to always put the burden on my next house.  Because the current house never seems to be ready.  It never seems to be quite good enough. It doesn’t seem to have the potential that I’m sure my next house will have.
My next house….? That’s where the real living is gonna happen.

Well, if we ever move into a "next house", it will surely have more potential, since we may be able to paint and renovate.  And it should be better for entertaining, since it has to be bigger!  But what we do best as a family is almost as easily done in this little apartment as in a big, lovely new house.  And that is play, talk, eat, sleep.  There's at least some room for Gracie, a place for the computer, a small but working kitchen, a tiny but functional bedroom.  Yes, it's small, but its home for now, it kept out the wind and rain of Hurricane Sandy this week, and didn't lose power.  It's not a great house, but it's home.  And this is where real living takes place.

Day 25

It’s Not What You Think

October 25, 2012 Filed Under: 31 Days Home. On Purpose

 Mr. Yen

After five years of running Nesting Place and years before that helping friends, neighbors, family and strangers with their home, and listening to my own back talk in my head for 38 years I’m pretty sure I’ve figured out the single most thing that holds us back from creating a beautiful, meaningful home on purpose.
Nope, it’s not money.
It’s not lack of creativity.
It’s not that we don’t have the time.
It’s not that someone else is holding us back.
They all come into play.  But the one thing that is the biggest hurdle?
 
It’s fear.

We put off making decisions, hesitate to commit to a paint color, dream about trying that DIY project but worry we’d mess it all up.  We forget that the goal is not perfection when it comes to creating a home. We assume that it doesn’t feel like a risk when others chose that bold color or buy that vintage sofa and since it feels scary we stop.  Or we take it to the other extreme and put off buying that sofa that we’ve needed for three years and instead spend a small fortune at Kirlkand’s  or thrift stores buying too many tchotchkes because those are easy decisions that we can handle.
What if we looked at our home as not only a training ground for our children to learn how to be responsible adults but also as a training ground of sorts for ourselves?  What if we decided there was a safe place in this world to make mistakes, play, take a risk and be who it is we want to be?  Wouldn’t the natural place for that to start be in the comfort of home?
Because if we cannot dare to be our true selves and make mistakes in our home, how can we ever expect anyone else to let their guard down while they are there?  And isn’t that the true purpose of a home?  It’s there to serve us and others, it’s a place of connection, a place of rest.  But we don’t always take full advantage of its true purpose and instead we become a slave to our home.

If you lower your expectations and decide that perfection isn’t the goal in creating your home, you might be amazed at what you’ll let yourself try.

Lately, I've been seeing that fear does hold me back from doing things I think I should.  Like building a Melaleuca business, like exercising enough, like buying the new car, or moving.  I'm afraid of the cost, the consequences, of making the wrong choice.  Ironically, I don't think I have this problem with my home.  Usually, it's IS just money that holds me back, but I'm quite decisive about what I want to do or buy.  I wonder what I would be like if I could spend extra money on home furnishings, or even just on my clothes.  Lately, I've had so many dreams of style and "put-togetherness", for myself and my home, I just can't afford them.  And why?  Because I'm afraid of building a Melaleuca business and having extra income.  I don't know what the solution is.  In the mean time, I'm just bumbling along, doing my best with what I have.  Just trying to be grateful for my family and Faith, the best things I have.  Sometimes, it seems, the only things I really have...

Day 24

Less

Posted: 24 Oct 2012 05:26 AM PDT

I know, it’s not really all we need. At all.  But it’s a big part of what most of us could use.
Less stuff, less debt, less choices, less accessibility, less overwhelm, less automatic ‘yeses’ because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or we’ve forgotten to turn our default from yes to I’ll think about it and get back to you.
What could you use less of right now?

Definitely less debt.  Less getting sick, for all of us.  Less family drama.  Less worries about the future.  Less hard decisions that need to be made regarding cars, housing, jobs, and soon, children.  Less distractions from what's really important, and more time with God and together as a family.

But ultimately, we really don't need "less", we need the most.  We need God.  Having less, even having nothing, has no merit without the most important thing: God.  Granted, she means less stuff, but we have to be careful about simplifying so much that we have nothing left, not even God and family.  I don't really like this quote because, for me, it brings to mind nothingness, instead of the fullness of life I receive from Christ.

Day 23

What’s On Your List?

Posted: 23 Oct 2012 04:49 AM PDT

Is home just another place where there are unmet expectations, lists, work and exhaustion?  What does being home purposefully really mean?
How about a little flashback 10 years?  If you love country music then you probably loved this song from 2002.  I still love it and turn it up every time it comes on the radio.  Even if it is a little cheesy, I never get tired of country cheese…

(click over to watch if you are reading via email, click here to watch on youtube)

Toby Keith: My List  

What a great song!  It makes me feel good about my habit of putting more than chores on my list, like praying and exercising.  This past weekend Bobby and I made a list of ways to work on spending more quality time together as a family.  Here's that list: Pray Liturgy of the Hours, pray a Sunday Rosary, encourage each other to work out 3-4 times a week, go hiking locally during the week and in Shenendoah a few times a month, prepare for a Christmas party, and Bobby is suppose to help me out more with chores.  

My own "list" of important things to do includes praying, exercising, spending those extra, special moments with Gracie, calling Mom, Ellen, Megan, and other friends, writing letters, going to Mass, being with Bobby, sewing and crafting, playing with the cat, writing blog posts.  These are the things that are best about being home, and far more important than the decor or chores.

Day 21

I Like to Move it

October 21, 2012 Filed Under: 31 Days Home. On Purpose

My number one favorite decorating secret?  Move stuff around.  Shop the house and try it in a different spot.  The process isn’t usually pretty, or understandable (good thing my husband didn’t walk in while I had the chair on the bed). But it can lead to a fun fresh room for zero dollars. Dresser from the guest room + mirror that was leaning against another mirror in the bathroom + chair moved to the other side = much needed change.

 Here's a decorating secret for me to file and remember.  Can't really do this right now.  But it's a good idea.

Day 20

White Space

Posted: 20 Oct 2012 05:07 AM PDT

When I was younger and I thought about my future home, I always thought about what I wanted to put IN my home.  I thought about what I didn’t have or what I wanted or  what I hoped for.  I thought about what I could create and what fun ideas I could come up with and interpret into our home.
Now that I’ve been doing this for 28 years (I’d say I started about 10 years-old with my Barbie houses, I was one of the lucky ones with the Barbie Dream House complete with the pink plastic canopy bed) I’ve learned that creating a beautiful meaningful home with stuff I love to be surrounded by isn’t just about what I put IN my home.
It’s just important to take things OUT of our homes.  What NOT to have.
Maybe more important.
Because if EVERYTHING has meaning then nothing is really meaningful.  Especially if I feel that I must keep and display it all.
If everything is beautiful and I can and must have it all, then it’s just a bunch of piled up beautiful things. And a bunch of things, beautiful or ugly, begins to look and act like a hoard.
If I’m keeping all the beauty piled up on the tables and in the corners and in the holding area, just in case, then the Stuff Manager rears her ugly, bossy head and gets mad because all she does is constantly care for these objects.
Sometimes I ask myself, what’s the least amount of stuff I can have in this space and still have it accomplish our homes purpose and goals? Having a meaningful, beautiful home is a goal of mine, so I consider that with the question, but sometimes I’m surprised at how little it takes to meet my goals and still look beautiful.

I love beautiful things, and I wish I could have a bigger house and decorate more.  Lately,especially, I've been dreaming a lot about this.  But the truth is, I like have clear surfaces and generally feel that less is more.  I just have trouble sorting through so many things I love and only using some of it.  And I think that's OK for now, with a little house.  Later, when we have more room, I want to be more conscience of how much stuff I have and display.  

Day 18

Good Stuff, Not Just Because it’s Pink

Posted: 18 Oct 2012 04:14 AM PDT

My dear friend Ellen from sweetwater has outdone herself this year and she has no idea.  Also? Her graphics are to die for.  Her series, Abide: 31 Days to Love Where You Live is slightly spellbinding and full of wise-make-you-think words.  I LOVE what she says about margin:

“Margin is not an excuse to not to be going out. Margin is what makes going out possible.”

And she talks about the truth of how we might feel about our homes: Love is Not Like

love is not like.

"This post is part of a 31 day journey. See the rest of abide: love where you live right here.

When I hear people using words that run down their houses and where they are, my heart wrenches for them to know freedom. That way of living? It’s paralyzing. It’s ok to say it’s hard. It’s ok to say it’s not where you want to be. But then? We have to choose love.

I get it. I get not liking where you are. I’ve felt that up and down and all over. But do you know what? It’s possible to love where you are but not like it. Like is a feeling. It fades. It whips with the wind. It has no roots.

Love? Love is a choice. Love remains. Love is what’s before you everyday when you wake up and when you slam that broken cabinet and when you sit down to an empty table and when you’re never caught up on the cleaning.

Jesus said that what’s inside makes it’s way out. And if you’re stuck in dislike for where you are, it’s going to color everything. All the little things that are sandpaper will start to define where you are. Instead you could choose to love where you are because you believe in a good God and you believe He moves things forward and you believe that change actually does happen, even if it happens slowly. You could endure with love. And it would be beautiful to all the people around you. And it would mean freedom.

How can you choose to love today?

We’ve gotten to the part about people. And that’s why we need to settle this choosing love thing today.

The Nester has been writing all about home on purpose this month and today she’s sharing how her family is choosing what they love right where they are. It’s kind of awesome."

To choose to love.  A beautiful, Christian sentiment, and a wonderful way to look at where we live.  To love it because those we love dwell there, and there are good memories and happy times at the place.  After all, it really doesn't matter what it looks like, what matters is the people there.  I used to take pride in my belief that I was not attached to a home building, much, but that my family was my home, and being with them, I was happy.  Now, I feel more attached to my home.  Sentimental that Mom and Dad will be selling the "old homestead" soon, and more and more complaining about where we live now.  I need to regain the sense of love for a place, and the utmost importance of who, not where.  It doesn't matter what a like, it matters what I love.  And loving is a choice.

Days 16 & 17

  Home, Purposefully

Posted: 16 Oct 2012 05:26 AM PDT

Four years ago this month I came home from my first blogging conference (the very first Blissdom with only 70 people) and asked my husband if I could temporarily stop homeschooling our boys and see if I can make this Nesting Place blog into a real business.
Of course, it’s more complicated than that.
We moved to Charlotte five years ago after losing a business.  Lost business = a bunch of debt.  And not the fun kind like vacations and clothes and furniture and bottles of wine.  Our debt wasn’t even a dumb fun mistake.  Plus, we decided the smartest thing for us was to buy back into a franchise that had been really successful for my husband in the past.  Which meant more business debt and purchasing a vehicle for the job.  We pretty much had to buy a job.
..........................As of today, we are ‘this-close’ to being debt free.  I underestimated our 2011 taxes and then we had a huge unexpected medical thing show up so that threw a wrench in our plans.  But we hope to be debt free (minus a family loan) by the end of the year.
And debt free is just that…freeing….
to be continued…tomorrow

Home, Purposefully. Part 2

.....................

And I get to keep writing here. And doing something I love, and I’ll actually have real time to spend working instead of doing everything in the cracks.  Why do I always feel like I only work in the cracks?  Oh yeah, because I do.  I do most of my work before 7am.  And then it’s cracks after that.
And the best news, our boys get to have their dad as a teacher!  They are so lucky.
I am so excited for all of us!
So, small side note but remember how I had that sofa in our foyer because we got a new sofa?  Once I knew we were pulling the boys out of school and they’d be doing more reading books at home I figured it was time to trade out the old homework table for a more cozy option. I pulled that coffee table down from the playroom so they could still have a much-needed surface for working and computing and Lego-ing and puzzle-ing.
But knowing they were gonna be home more led to a different purpose for our family room and ultimately an odd change.  We took the kitchen table out of our family room and brought in a secondary sofa.  Is there such a thing as too many sofas?   I hope not.
Anyway, we are all so excited about this new adventure and I couldn’t wait to share it with you.  Thanks for being a part of it.

I’d love to hear about any “freedom decisions” that your family has been able to make or is hoping to make once your debt is paid off.  Share in the comments?

Pay off debt has been a common refrain I've been hearing lately.  Ways and means are far more difficult!  Our freedom decision would simply be to have a home and a new car, and another baby!  Of course, we dream of adventures and many other things, but its the basics I want right now.  God, please help us!

Day 15

I Thought You Were Rich If…

Posted: 15 Oct 2012 04:51 AM PDT

After I mentioned how growing up, I thought only rich people had picnic tables, a few of you left comments with what you thought was only for the rich:

“I love that you associate picnic tables with rich people! For me, it’s honeydew melon. When I was a little girl, I even called it rich people melon.” –Christen

“…kitchen islands & wall ovens. as a child, i only saw these in movies, so i REALLY thought they were only for the rich. and a kitchen with TWO ovens–those people must be over-the-top wealthy”  –Von

“In my 14-year-old mind, a second refrigerator in the garage was “rich”. One of my aunt’s had one, and I thought it was the very height of luxury. Looking back, I”m not sure if it was the actual refrigerator or the fact that it was mostly filled with Cokes and other beverages that made it seem so luxurious! All I know is, we have one in our basement now (stuffed with Cokes, Red Bull, beer and Frappuccinos!), and it makes me feel like a Queen!” —Tammy

I absolutely LOVED these comments and thought it would be fun to read more (because I am selfish and love to be entertained–entertain me dear readers!).  I also love the sense of innocence, perspective and thankfulness that remembering what impressed us as children (and teenagers) can bring. It’s fun to look back at what we used to see as special and now might see as ordinary.  It makes me wonder how my boys will answer this question one day.
Ok what’s your answer?
When I was younger I thought you were rich if…

...you had a Cadillac convertible.  That was the height of a luxury, expensive car.  Now, I'd prefer a Solara.

...you went to hotels, timeshares, or resorts for vacation, instead of camping.  Now, I know that's still more expensive than camping, but camping has it's own charms.  However, it was a real thrill to me this summer to stay at a timeshare resort for the first time!

...you went to Disney World every year.

Conversely, I think what I thought was poor is pretty funny.  I always thought that living in an apartment was only for poor people who couldn't afford a house!  Now I know apartments can be just as expensive, and luxurious, as the nicest house!

Day 14

Picnic Tables: They’re Not Just for Rich People Anymore

Posted: 14 Oct 2012 04:39 AM PDT

You thought I was being funny when I mentioned I’d always dreamed of having a picnic table.  But it’s true. I grew up eating on picnic tables in my grandparent’s back yard and just like a having a tire swing, it’s a shining beacon of home.
But it wasn’t until I was a freshman in high school that our family got our first picnic table.  In my  fourteen-year-old head, picnic tables were for rich people.  So I figured that’s why we didn’t have one.  So yes, even in college I knew that one day, I would have a picnic table too.  I can vividly remember thinking that I might even *gasp* put my own picnic table inside one day.
Regardless if you are rich or not, every house could use an unassuming workhorse picnic table. And I’m so happy we finally got one.

Cost Breakdown:

Picnic Table Kit: $149

Umbrella : $49 (just noticed it’s on sale for $39)

Drill Bit: $10ish

Stain: $12ish

Total: $225ish

Not bad for seating for six and a versatile table that I hope will stay with our family for years–maybe I’ll even bring it inside one day…

Country Living

Is there a little something you’ve always dreamed of having in your home?  Maybe like me, it’s not anything all that expensive, but something that represents home to you.  I’m surprised at how great it felt to fulfil a childhood dream for our home, as ridiculous as it was to wait this long for a picnic table, it really helps makes our house feel like home to me.  And isn’t that what Home. On Purpose is all about?

I love my childhood home.  Now that Mom and Dad have bought a retirement home, it makes me sad to think they'll be selling the NY house in a few years.  I love the rooms, the deck, the yard.  But one thing I've carried with me from living there has been a frustration, first that I saw with my Mom, now I can see it for myself, in projects taking a very long time to get done.  My dream, which I've always thought is "only" for rich people, is to have someone else do at least some of the work on a house or garden.  I don't mind painting, or sewing curtains, or doing certain other things by myself.  But some day, I would love to have an expert install, say, a great new kitchen, or design a gorgeous porch, or landscape my yard with beautiful flowers, shrubs and trees. 

Maybe, when we have our own place, I will realize there are more things I can easily do on my own than need to be done by a professional, but that's my dream, to have projects done quickly and done well by a professional.  And as long as we can't afford that, I want to follow-through and complete projects quickly and efficiently on my own.

Day 13

Well-Planned Hoarding

Posted: 13 Oct 2012 04:44 AM PDT

I read minimalist blogs.  I have for a long time.
One of the many reasons I love writing Topiwo is because it gives me perspective.   It’s the same with reading about minimalism, it reminds me to be intentional with what I have. There’s a post by The Minimalists that I haven’t been able to get out of my head.

Organizing is Often Well-Planned Hoarding.

It reminds me of something Fly-lady says, “You can’t organize clutter.”  I know I’ve been guilty of trying to organize clutter, thinking that if I were just more organized, then it would all work out, when a big part of my issue was that I just had a bunch of junk I needed to get rid of.
What about you, has there been a time that your well-intentioned organizing has really been a ploy to avoid getting rid of things?

Good point.  I'm constantly reorganizing, but if I had less stuff, there wouldn't be as much to organize!  Still, I'm not a minimalist, and I think I'm more selective these days with what I display.  However, I do believe there is more stuff I could get rid of, if I just had the courage.  For some reason, I always feel "bad" throwing things out, because it strikes me as littering.  I just need to find better places to donate.  Also, I've found that putting things away, out of sight, teaches me to see I don't need or really want them, and that makes it easier to throw away.  I'm looking forward to moving and hope to get rid of more stuff when that process gets underway.

One last thought: I resent being told that my organization is well-planned hoarding.  Minimalists always strike me as lacking in emotion and sentiment, without any real love or attachment to things that remind them of people or places they love.  I like to think that the pictures and stuff in my home are reminders of people and places and memories I love and want to be reminded of when I look at them.  I'm not ashamed of all my stuff.

Day 12

Taking Back The House

October 12, 2012 Filed Under: 31 Days

Drat, this video will only embed with autoplay so now that it’s not at the top of the blog, I’m adding it as a link. Watch the video here, it’s fun, it’s worth it.


Just like that episode of The Middle, most of us need to take back the house.  But not necessarily from the kids. Most of us need to take back the house from our twisted idea of what we think a house should be.  We need to take back the house from the trap of perfection.  We need to take back the house from the expectations of well-meaning people have put on our house for what they think it should be.
What do you need to take back your house from?

 I think I need to take back my home from the idea that if we just lived in a bigger house, a better place, it would be nicer.  But really, my husband is at home every day and has a good job, my baby is happy and healthy, and I can stay home doing things I love.  That's what's important, and that's what I should be grateful for.  It doesn't matter if I can't afford style and design.  That's not where I am in life right now, and it doesn't look like we'll be moving to a place I can decorate for a good long while yet.  So, I need to be content with what we have, and just strive for a clean, neat, peaceful and happy home.

Day 11

Progression of Thought

Our laundry room.

When we first moved in four years ago, our laundry room looked like the photo on the left.
That was me trying to compensate for a boring room in a rental home with my addiction to accessories.
The next picture is phase two: me under-compensating with accessories.  I had just finished reading Tsh’s book Organized Simplicity.  And my well-meaning tchotchkies were driving me up the wall.  I went crazy and packed away almost everything. I was sick and tired of trying to mask the fact that I didn’t like a room with a bunch of stuff.
The problem was I still didn’t like the room when it was empty.
I’m somewhere in the middle when it comes to what I want for our home.  I want it to be relaxing and meaningful and functional but I also want to like it. But I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars and man hours on a laundry room.  Especially in a house we are renting.
Part of me told my self why even do anything to this room? It’s small, it’s a laundry room for goodness sake, close the door and forget about it.
But, I know the way we live, and the door to this room is always open.
You can see straight into this room if you knock on our front door and I open it–hello laundry room.
And, I wanted to like it.
I craved a simple, responsible look that was also creative and stylish.  And budget friendly.
And now, I’m gonna walk downstairs and take a photo of this room however it looks RIGHT now. Which could be a number of cases but I’m doing this to prove a point….

The point of this post?  This room serves me now. For two years I hated this room.  Instead in investing what it really needed to work for our family ($150 — $100 of that I’ll take when we move) I chose to ignore it and put a Band-aid on it made of thrifted stuff.
I love thrifted stuff.  But that wasn’t what this room needed.  No amount of cute stuff would hide the fact that it needed a fresh coat of paint and could benefit from some better looking shelves, lighting and a counter.
Anyway, the point is:
I don’t even think about this room anymore.  I don’t spend any time hating it or wishing it looked different.  I can move on.
I simply enjoy it.  It works for us.  It always looks pretty good, even when it’s a mess. I like being in there.  Doing laundry isn’t such a chore. Plus when we move out, someone else can enjoy it.
I’m learning about balance.  Sometimes the right answer for you and me may be somewhere in the middle.
I didn’t need to quietly hate this room for the four years we’ve lived here when spending a little bit of money (most of which we can take with us to our next house) made such a difference in how I feel about it.  Really, spending a little time and money was a gift to myself and the owners of this house.
It was worth every penny.

I am so fascinated by learning how to really make a room, area, etc., look better.  I'm starting to see that fresh paint could fix a lot of problems with a room and with furniture.  The fact is, I'm starting to see that where we live now could probably benefit from a lot less stuff around.  Of course, I have no where to store stuff, so displaying it as best I can is my only option.  Best advice I can take away today: to fix a room and then move one.  Choose what a want, make it happen, and then enjoy the result.  I've seen my parents have projects going on for years.  I don't want to be that way.

Day 10

Awake

 

In my last letter I asked Topiwo what his name means, he said it means “to wake up“.  1. Who names their child that? 2. OH MY goodness is that not exactly what he has done for me?  When I read what he said his name meant I went in the bathroom and cried.  If you are wondering what in the world a Topiwo is and why I am crying then by all means, read this.  Topiwo is the 15 year-old boy from Tanzania my family sponsors through Compassion International.  I met him back in May.

And also, I don’t know that I ever thanked you all for sponsoring so many children.  I didn’t ask specifics but I know Nesting Place readers did more than just read the posts and move on. Thank you.
During my trip I found out how Compassion works and how sponsors can send a family gift. Compassion and the local church will help assess the needs of the child and family and make sure that the money is spent how it’s most needed.  When I got back I sent a $50 family gift to each of the three boys that we sponsor.  $50.  I spent twice that much filling my tank up with gas this morning.
Just last week I got two letters on the same day.

With photos.  And a list.  A list of some of the items that the $50 bought. Topiwo and his family received maize, soap, body oil, shoes, polish, powder soap and the other items in the photo.

Kim from The Phillipines got to go to “the mall” with his mom.  He got “shoes, rice, towel, mosquito net, brief, socks, pants, clothes, and slipper” (I hope he got two of those).
Those three $50 gifts were some of  the best money we’ve ever EVER spent. No doubt.
That’s all great but what does this have to do with 31 Days of Home. On Purpose?
Perspective.
Because without perspective we get lost in a sea of me.  I know, because I’ve done it.  I love talking about my house and I love making it pretty but also, I know there are bigger things in my life than the color of paint on my walls.  And I think remembering that helps me do better with what I have.
So I hope that today you will go and send a family gift to the child that you sponsor. And I hope you’ll send your sponsored child a Christmas Gift.  It’s so simple, all you have to do is login to your account (or quickly create one) and you can give a gift to your sponsored child online in just a few minutes.

 

What a beautiful story for today.  A reminder that there is an abundance of goodness and love in the world.  I really needed to be reminded of how much I have, and how grateful I should be for my countless blessings.  These children in other countries are so beautiful, so simple, so grateful for what they receive.  They are a reminder that I should be far more grateful and loving.  There may be many things I want for my home, and it's not wrong to want a lovely place to live, but there are also many people that are far more important.  How I wish we had unlimited funds to give to all the charities and causes that are so important!  This post was a timely reminder to me that when we have a home, and more resources and income, to remember others less fortunate.  And before I spend money on myself and my home, to remember to give to others, and help as best I can.

Day 9

31: Question Everything

I’m a decorative pillow-aholic.
I love a great pillow.  Some women spend their extra money on shoes, I want decorative pillows.  And lamps.  And iced coffees.
But the scales fell off my eyes this summer and I saw our bedroom as if for the first time.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m no neat freak.  Some people who I’m married to even call me messy.  In my defense, I wake up about two hours earlier than my husband, I’m an early bird, so coming back upstairs just to make the bed never crosses my mind. But one morning I walked back up to our room to grab something and I noticed it.  I’m a self-proclaimed messy bed promoter.  I’m okay with not making up the bed. BUT.  Our room always looked messy because it almost always had SIX decorative pillows on the chairs and the floor.

Why am I doing that to myself?  The bed looks pretty good to me, even when it’s unmade.  I’m a girl who appreciates an unmade bed and its come hither call.  But those pillows all over the floor made the room look downright unkempt.
So I packed up the pillows to see if I could deal with life without them.

Here’s the room a few days later.   Yeah, it wouldn’t kill me to tidy up the bed but that’s not the point.  The point is, I know myself.  And most likely I’m not going to be making our bed every day.  But the room is so much more inviting without a bunch of pillows on the floor.  And I feel like less of a bad wife for not tidying up the room. WIN!
Packing up those extra pillows was so freeing to me.  I’d rather them find a good home where someone can enjoy them. And over the past few months I’ve wandered the house looking for other things that I’m not really using to their full potential.

What an interesting consideration.  I think I'm inclined to do this anyway, since I love "putting things away."  Scratch that.  I'm a but obsessive about putting things away, deleting emails, and yes, making the bed.  However, I totally relate to her love of decorative pillows, and have begun to indulge it, sort of, with the Pottery Barn ones.  However, I think it's great with their removable pillow covers because it will make it easy to switch designs and store the covers, instead of having tons of full pillows.  Bottom lines, despite what I might like, and want to buy, or even already have, consider whether it really makes a room look good.

Day 8

31 Days :: Nobody’s Dream Job

Hello.  Nice to meet you!
What do I do?  Oh, I’m a Stuff Manager.
Gosh, no, I don’t really like it but, isn’t that what everyone does?
My daily routine involves looking through my stuff, putting stuff away, organizing stuff, feeling guilty because I haven’t organized other stuff, fussing at my kids because their stuff isn’t put away, wading through misplaced stuff in our garage, piling up stuff I’m tired of so we can sell it, packing away stuff I’m really tired of to give it away, asking my husband where he put his stuff, sorting, washing, and drying our stuff, and then dreaming about more stuff that I want and the bigger house I “need” because my precious stuff won’t fit in our current house–I guess it’s too small.
I never planned on being a stuff manager, it just kind of happened and now that’s my job.  Oh, gosh no, I don’t get paid for it.  I just do it because I think I have no other choice.  I have a whole other job that I get paid for and I use most of that money to buy more stuff.  I’m training my kids to be stuff managers too.
What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Wow.  This really puts things in perspective.  I feel like I am definitely a stuff manager, but no, that's not what I want to be.  My dream is for the house to be well-organized enough that things can go quickly into their places, and I don't have to stress about constant organization.  To a certain degree, I do need more space to really do this.  However, this is a good reminder to be very careful how much "new stuff" I acquire, just because I get more space.  Also, to remember that people are more important than stuff, and not to stress so much about the messy stuff.

Day 7

Collections

I love pretty things as much {or more} than the next girl.  Which is exactly why I need to remind myself of this.  Happy Sunday, I hope you collect something today that no one can ever see.

What a lovely, and important reminder!  I hope to collect and cherish countless moments with my beautiful Gracie, and Bobby too.  Holding her while she sleeps is one of the most special and tender moments I enjoy with my daughter.

Day 5

The Beauty That Is

It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

It’s been the tagline here for almost five years.   And I believe it’s true.

Does that mean I think a messy house can be beautiful?  Sometimes. But an overly messy house doesn’t usually meet my goals & purpose for my home so unfortunately, most of the time, that means I need to keep it on the tidy side.  Of course, you and I and your mother-in-law all have different definitions of what ‘messy’ means, but that’s another post.
Most of us are here at Nesting Place because we want to have a pretty house.  We enjoy beauty, we are on a quest for it, we seek it out, we LOVE being surrounded with the lovely.  There is nothing wrong with seeking out beauty.

But sometimes we take that to one of two extremes.
1. We over-buy, over-spend, over-decorate, over-worry and over-fret.  We have a cute, somewhat organized hoard tightly packed away calling our name. We are constantly trying the next DIY craze in our homes only to find that we still feel discontent when we look around.
Or
2. We are paralyzed, afraid of making a wrong decision and afraid of changing anything in our homes, even something as simple as changing a paint color that we hate.  We go out to buy one picture frame and come home empty-handed because deciding is impossible.  We have paint swatches taped to the wall (for months, even years) and stacks of framed photos behind the sofa for fear of making an extra nail hole. And then we still over-worry and over-fret.
Both of those tendencies seem to stem from one main issue.
Perfection.
We have been duped into believing that perfection is the ultimate goal for our homes.
There’s no such thing as a perfect house, at least not if you want to actually live there.  Clearly the magazines have run out of perfect homes to photograph, because they came here, to this house.  Where we live.   Maybe the perfect home is a myth.  Instead of striving for some kind of perfection, why not strive for those purposes we talked about here.
Because chasing perfection for our home is like chasing an empty promise that doesn’t even exist.  We get so caught up in trying to measure up to some pretend ideal that we don’t even realize that it isn’t even true.

If you are reading this via email, click here to come over to Nesting Place to watch the video it’s worth the click.

Our perception of beauty is distorted. I know, it’s a Dove commercial but it captures what we are talking about.  Our search for real beauty in our lives, in our homes. We’ve raised our expectations so high for our home  that we’ve overlooked what Home was truly meant to be.  And oftentimes, we overlook the beauty that is.




Well, I don't think I suffer from either of the extremes she talks about, but that's mostly because I don't have the money to  buy lots of stuff.  If I did, I would probably be guilty of that extreme.  As it is, I should try to concentrate on the people in my home, instead of all the things I want to do.  There will be plenty of time to decorate and make things look pretty, but spending time with Gracie is far more valuable.

Day 4

If I want my home to be a place of connection, I’ll ask genuine questions and get to know the people in my home.
If I want my home to be a safe place to make a mistake, I’ll lower my standards for myself first, be forgiving of my own mistakes, laugh at myself–and allow others to see that.
If I want my home to be inspiring, I’ll pay attention to what inspires me.
If I want my home to be real, I’ll learn to embrace the imperfect, find the beauty in the undone, the half hazard, the unkempt, the everydayness and the mess.
If I want my home to be comfortable, I’ll first stop apologizing and focus on others instead of myself.
If I want my home to be a place of rest, I’ll consider my attitude and the tone I set when I am home.

“Those are real nice words lady, but how does that affect how our rooms look and feel?  I have an empty room, woman, HELP!”

Right. So…
If I want my home to be a place of connection where I can ask lots of questions and have good conversation, I want to be sure I have adequate, comfy seating so people will stick around.
If I want my home to be a safe place to make a mistake, I’ll display the imperfect in my home.  That spelling test where they made a C?–on the fridge, the frame where the glass broke out–so? it still looks great.  The leather chair with the rips? It’s loved and sat in daily.
If I want my home to be inspiring, I’ll collect inspiring things and show them off unashamed, regardless of the trends.
If I want my home to be real, I’ll find the beauty in what is.  Accept that the messes unique to my home are a sign of a full and beautiful season of life.

“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass”;
“We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.”
–Harmon Killebrew (Quoted to me and Emily often by our dad) 


Today, I really see the need for accepting, to a certain degree, the way things are in my home, and the way they will be as long as we have kids.  My home will be able love and comfort, and I need to stress less about "mess".  Here's some thoughts on the things that stood out to me from today's reflection:

If I want my home to be a safe place to make a mistake, I’ll lower my standards for myself first, be forgiving of my own mistakes, laugh at myself–and allow others to see that.
 I definitely need to be more forgiving of myself, and laugh more.  I get so tense, impatient and frustrated with MYSELF, and then it spills over into my behavior with Bobby and Grace. 
 
If I want my home to be inspiring, I’ll pay attention to what inspires me....  If I want my home to be inspiring, I’ll collect inspiring things and show them off unashamed, regardless of the trends.
I have lots of religious art and items, and for the new house I've thought of having more "artsy" stuff.  I need to remember that the religious item are there to inspire me, and I should fit them into my decorating, and not hide them, since they're represent what is most important in my life.  

If I want my home to be real, I’ll learn to embrace the imperfect, find the beauty in the undone, the half hazard, the unkempt, the everydayness and the mess....  If I want my home to be real, I’ll find the beauty in what is.  Accept that the messes unique to my home are a sign of a full and beautiful season of life.
Is there really beauty to be found in the undone, the unkempt, and the mess?  It's very difficult for me to see that.  But, after all, in general, the mess is a result of good things.  Mess in the kitchen means I made yummy food.   Toys and stuff on the floor means Grace is having fun playing.  Even Bobby's clothes on the bedroom floor are something to be thankful for, since it means my husband is here with me every day, not away for his job or deployed.  I need to to focus on the positive causes behind the mess, and see them as evidence of the beauty of my life as a wife and mother.

If I want my home to be comfortable, I’ll first stop apologizing and focus on others instead of myself.
Bobby and Grace don't really care about how clean the house is, to a large degree.  They want my time and attention.  That is far more important than constant cleaning.  I have to remind myself how frustrating I have always found it when my own Mom would work, work, work, when we just wanted her to sit down and watch a movie, or come outside and have a drink, or be ready to somewhere.   The chores are never-ending, so why place them above the time with those I love, which will not always be available?

If I want my home to be a place of rest, I’ll consider my attitude and the tone I set when I am home.
I do want my home to be a place of rest, but I am restful?  Does my attitude contribute to a restful atmosphere, or stress out Bobby?

If I want my home to be a place of connection where I can ask lots of questions and have good conversation, I want to be sure I have adequate, comfy seating so people will stick around.
 Practically speaking, I really like this consideration, and I fervently hope we can get all the nice sofas from Kathleen.  I love have parties and people over, but it certainly helps to have a big house and plenty of places for people to sit!




   

Day 3

Yesterday we talked about the purpose of our home.
Take those words. The ones you thought of after reading yesterday’s post, and look around your house.  Do the words you choose describe the space? Start with one room, maybe the family room.  Are you accomplishing the goal you have for that room?

Here are some of the words that we said we wanted our home to feel like:

There’s no right or wrong answer for the purpose of YOUR home–YOU get to decide.  But I have noticed something…
No one ever says they want their home to feel unwelcoming.  Or cold or unfriendly or unaccepting or harsh or lifeless or have a sense of fear. No one ever says they want their home to be boring or vanilla or average or store-bought.  No one wants their home to be stressful. Believe it or not I don’t think I’ve ever heard any real, non-TV person say they want their home to be prettier than all their friends and full of the nicest, most perfect specimens.
But sometimes we approach decorating and designing in a way opposite to how we hope our home will feel. We make decisions as if we are being graded. We are afraid to create the home we’ve always dreamed of because we are afraid of being judged or laughed at or mocked.  We worry and fret and procrastinate and ultimately waste years not enjoying home and making our family miserable along the way as we whine and complain and wish and verbalize our disappointment in our home.
Not that I’ve ever done that or anything.
The purpose of your home isn’t about the stuff, it’s about the people. The people who live there, the people who come there.

A home’s greatest purpose is to serve people. Amen.

Creative.  That's the word I chose.  Our apartment feels like all our stuff just thrown together, but I hope for better things when we move.  However, I suppose fitting all our stuff into this apartment is creative.  I guess another word I like to use is cohesive.  I love when things match and coordinate and look really good together.  I was studying a friend's house the other day and trying to decide why I dislike the decorating.  I think its this idea of cohesiveness.  There were just too many things thrown into the room, and nothing that pulled it all together.  I thought that a paint job and a few large pictures would probably do the trick.

That's what I want to be able to do in my new home: have a "look" for each room that is pleasing and restful.  That's another word to describe my home, restful.  I'd like the colors, and especially lighting, and pictures to be soothing and relaxing and restful, instead of making me feel restless, discontent or anxious.  Maybe that's something else I dislike about that other house.  I feel a bit stressed just by entering.  And I don't think it's because there are usually toys on the floor.  I think it's a lack of soothing colors and lighting.  The house is very dark and the lights in it are harsh.  For our new home, I believe there is plenty of natural light.  I want to accent that with pretty curtains, and have light, pleasing colors in the rooms.

Actually, I think our home now is rather restful.  There's plenty of natural light, and the colors, at least in the living room, are soft greens and blues, and the cream walls are mostly covered with pictures, so it doesn't look so stark.  I've always liked soft light from lamps, instead of overhead lights, and I like pastels, instead of darker colors.  Another thing I'd like for the new home would be to have more cohesiveness in the bedroom.  When have a nice, matching bedroom set, which is a start, but a dream of mine would be to have a lovely coverlet and pillows, for color and comfort in the bedroom.

I think the challenge I am coming away with today is to not settle for less than what I want, but to also be patient while I create it.  I can't afford much, so I need to be resourceful in my decorating, but I don't want to just throw together cheap stuff.  On the other hand, I've inherited many things, and I need to think how I can repaint or refinish them to fit my "look".  Finally, I need to remember that people are the most important part of a home, and Bobby and Grace are my first priority, no matter how much I might want to devote lots of time to decorating.  I need to remember to be patient with myself and them when the time comes to move into the new house.

31 Days of Home. On Purpose. Days 1 & 2

Day 1


This summer I thought about our home, what I write here, and what the purpose of a home truly is.  I thought about my habits and my pull to creativity.  I thought about how that all fits together. And I want to write about it and hear your thoughts.
Let’s talk about the purpose of our homes & being purposeful in our homes.
We’ll talk about home making and decorating and Stuff and nurturing families and money and creativity.
I’m calling this 31 Day Series:



 This is my other 31 days of reflections and writings. Found this at the Nesting Place.  I've been thinking a lot about what I want my home to look like, as we prepare to move to Front Royal in December.  I want it to be a beautiful and comfortable and  homey home on purpose.  So I thought this would be a beneficial 31 days.



Day 2 


The purpose for our homes change with each season of life.
But in order to have a home that serves your family well, it helps to think of the overall purpose of your home.
Right now, I want our home to be nurturing.  A place of learning and learning how to learn.  A safe place to practice taking risks.  A place to come back to.  A place for laughs and for connection.  A place where you don’t have to pretend you are perfect.  A place to let your guard down. A place to just be.
Words like cozy, warm, inviting, playful, loved on and lived in describe what I want our home to feel like.

All of those words and purposes play a role when it’s time to decide what items should be in our home. They play a role in helping me figure out what I should or shouldn’t purchase and what I could sell or give away.  Creating a beautiful, meaningful home doesn’t start on Pinterest or at the furniture store.

Creating a beautiful, meaningful home starts in your head.

It starts with your goals and thinking about the atmosphere of your home.

“that’s all your house is, is a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff…”
–George Carlin

He’s so funny. But I hope he’s entirely wrong.

Take a few minutes and think about these questions.  Write  down your answers. Leave them in the comments or just think of one main word and keep it to yourself:
What is it that you want to happen in your home in this current season of your life?
What words would visitors use to describe your home?  Are you happy with those words?  Do they describe the home you really want to create?



With a 10 month old crawling all around the house, I realize our lives have entered a new season.  For now, and many years in the future, I want our home to be a safe, but very fun place for Gracie to play and explore.  I would like there to be lots of space for her to crawl around, and room for her toys.  I'd like things she can't get into to be out of her reach, so she can go almost everywhere without me worrying.  I want to have places for her to play, and lots of activities (thinking of Atrium type activities) for her to be creative.  And I'd like there to be room for creativity for Bobby and me too.  I want to sewing machine and craft projects to be easily accessible for me, and to have the piano for Bobby to play.  Finally, I look forward to a big backyard and lots of space to do outside stuff, for Grace and for us.

Right now, I look around our little apartment and the first word that always comes to mind is cluttered.  I love my pictures and knick knacks, but there are too many in too small a space.  I suppose it may be seen as cozy, and certainly are visuals of many of the things we love, but still, it's very crowded and I want more space.  I want to create a home that has style.  I want to explore what my particular style really is, and have a house that looks coherent and beautiful.  But today reminds me that those goals should be secondary to a loving, creative environment for our family.  So the word a chose to describe the home a want to create is CREATIVE.